I Don't Support Breast Cancer & Nor Should You.

I Don't Support Breast Cancer & Nor Should You.

I have exactly one hobby in life: pissing people off. And boy, I’m I good at it. I can guarantee you that I’m able to do it in 15 minutes or less; it’s my piss off guarantee. If I don’t deliver a genuine pisser-offer within that timeframe, well, I won’t do anything. I don’t like people who guarantee anything; it pisses me off. A woman once told me that I couldn’t piss her off – 4.32 minutes later, she was pissed the fuck off. It’s a very rewarding hobby and I’ve got the entire process down to a science. It goes something like this:

Step one: Say or do something ‘mean’. I.E.: telling someone you don’t support helping to cure breast cancer.

Step two: Await reaction.

Step three: Laugh at reaction.

Step four: Await their next reaction.

Step five: Explain why you’re a superior being

Step six: Success.

I use this example because it’s grounded in reality: I don’t support breast cancer research and I think anyone who does is a mindless shill who doesn’t stop to think what they're supporting. I’m tired of these self-righteous pricks on a crusade to save things, fuck them. Everyone seems to have a ‘cause’ these days. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails,” fuck that. If I’m going to use my precious time to support a cause, I’m going to damn well be sure it’s worth supporting and breast cancer is not such a cause.

I’m a fan of second-base; don’t get me wrong. I’m all for ensuring that the statistical odds of me reaching it continue to stay high and anytime those odds get lower, I genuinely feel bad. I still don’t support breast cancer research though. Know why? It’s stupid to support. Know what I support instead? Cancer research. Here’s some interesting statistics about breast cancer for people who want to know what inspired this rant:

1- It receives the most amount of funding across all ‘types’ of cancer.

2-It’s not the leading cause of death among all the ‘types’ of cancer. (Third or fourth depending on which statistics you read).

3- It’s not even the leading cause of death among the ‘types’ of cancer for women. (It comes in second).

4- Unlike say lung cancer, research into breast cancer is completely useless in developing treatment for other forms of cancer. Curing breast cancer means that breast cancer will be cured. Curing lung cancer means that lung cancer is cured and five other forms of cancer are closer to being cured.

5- We actually declared a month towards supporting curing breast cancer. Think about the implications behind that. We declared an entire month to curing a specific type of cancer. It’s not ‘cancer month’, it’s ‘breast cancer month’. That means that we, society, have decided that breast cancer is just that much more important. Read over points 1-4 again. Still feel like breast cancer month is something you want to support?

Bet you feel stupid for buying that flower now. I don’t. Know why? Because I tell people who ask me to help support breast cancer that their mindless shills. Know why? Because they are. I’ll also bet you that a lot of people who read this got pissed off. I love pissing people off. Best hobby in the world. And boy, I’m I good at it!